Opening my eyes

Today I woke up with the thought of starting my regiment of losing weight. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it publicly but after talking to my good friend Jonathan I decided to. Mainly to keep myself motivated and maybe someone else would understand where I was coming from. I thought I was having a heart attack last night. My chest felt alot of pressure and my heart was beating fast. I didn't fall asleep until about 12 midnight. I have a family history of heart decease, diabetes, & breast cancer. I have to win the battle for myself and my girls. This week will be a busy week with graduations and different events. It will be a challenge to exercise every day. So here it goes.
I have struggled with weight issues for about 11yrs. Ever since I had my two beautiful daughters. Now 11 and 9 yrs old. I always tell my husband it's baby weight but I don't think he bys it any more. Before my girls I weighed 140-145 pds. Now I weigh 205.5 pds. I hate the way I look. I feel like a sausage. My face is fat, my arms are fat and don't let me get started my my thighs. I feel like I look stuffed into my skin. Ugh!
A couple of weeks ago my siblings and I decided to throw a party for my mother's 62ND b-day. We invited family members we'd hadn't seen in years. The party was a success. Well, until my uncle decided to ask me if i was having a competition with my twin sister on who was going to be the fattest. I didn't know what to say. I changed the subject and continued with the party. I told my husband the next day. His face was priceless. He didn't understand why I wasn't offended. "How could your family tell you something like that" he asked me. My response was my whole life was about our appearance, weight, the shade of my color and so forth. It wasn't new to me. I wasn't going to tell my uncle off. He's my uncle. My mother raised me better than that.
In high school I wasn't over weight I wore a size 7 highest was a size 9. In my mothers eyes I could have lost a couple of pounds though. I honestly felt so beautiful than. Now I feel like people say she's pretty but she's fat. When I got married to a marine. My struggle with my waist line got even harder. If you would have asked me years ago if I would have let myself go, I would have say no, but, i did. My marriage has had rocky points because of my weight.
Now its time to open up my eyes. See the person I am under all that weight and accomplish small goals to finally reach the big one. So if you'd like join me. I can't wait for this journey, and along the way to know there will be ups and downs.